Career Tip 001: Develop a Winning Mentality.
Nothing in this post is a recommendation.
Sometimes when we hear the term “Winning Mentality”, especially as women or as highly sensitive people, it can be off-putting. We think someone has to lose for us to win. But when it comes to your career and yourself, you need to shift that mindset to one of inclusivity, creation and success. That is what defines a winning mentality and helps you breed true success. You don’t have to be cutthroat to win at life or at your career. This is not you against anyone. There doesn't have to be a loser if you aim to win at the game of life. In fact, what you’ll discover when you operate out of winning mentality principals, is that you’re surrounded by winners.The more of us coming together, living in a space of quality mental and physical habits, the more wealth and happiness can be created. There will be failures and lessons learned the hard way for each of us, but the only person you need to keep track of and be in competition with is yourself. Athletes know this. Olympians don’t focus on other people, they focus on themselves, religiously.
“Losing” in front of millions of people is hard. I know because I have done it. But my title when I did compete in front of millions was not Loser. It was First Runner Up. I thank Goddess that I see it that way and that they did at least that one thing right. Being in the race at all towards your goals, is a win in and of itself. The real losers in the world aren’t even trying…they’re trapped in toxic mentalities. Winners don’t win all the time. That would be impossilbe. You didn’t give up on walking every time you fell when you’re learning to walk. We know this because if we did, we’d all still be crawling. What makes you think getting good at life is any different than that? This life thing is a process and you need to cultivate a winning mentality to enjoy it. Winners learn from losing well and rising up to the challenge of personal growth after each failure. They do not wallow, they learn, they grow, they get up and they move on.
Someone once said to me “What do you win more from, winning or losing?” I realized in that instant that the truth was very clear - losing wins! Painful as this realization was, losing propelled me more in life to grow and be more than what I was being before I lost. We need to see the losses we have as wins. That is what they are and when we can realize what winning actually looks like authentically for each of us, we get closer to our destiny and our most successful selves. When we can quickly adjust to the world around us and the way we interact and correct ourselves, we can reach any level of success we desire. Each of us is a unique power force, able to gather some really big wins at life. But as Americans we often double down on our pain. Beat ourselves up for how long it takes us to get over things, on top of taking a long time to get over things. We must stop.
Today, I consider myself a winner, even though I had one of the most public “losses” ever witnessed on television by over 200 million views now and honestly it took me out pretty hard for a very hot minute. But as soon as I put aside the lacking and losing mindset and adopted a winning mentality, my life shifted. I could have stayed down and out, but I chose to live an amazing life after I realized my loss was a gain and a tool. I traveled all around the world, I’ve tried all sorts of careers. My life is rich in experience and in friendship and the future looks good even if at times it doesn’t feel right. For all of my experiences in life, I choose to consider myself as a great success and know I am actually deep down, winning. At my core, as I walked and continue to walk the process of growing into who I am meant to be, I know now that this metamorphosis I am experiencing exponentially, is because of the mentality I choose to keep.
It is a dangerous and consequential misconception that people, especially women and minorities, have to compete in the workplace or in life. I did it for years and it only brought me pain, not true wealth, health and community, which I am growing into now at a rapid pace. As a woman who was forced into thinking that I need to live inside of fierce competition, first in modeling, then in fashion as a business owner, and later in finance, I just won’t do it. It is a lie. It’s a waste of time and it’s a trick to keep you in a mental loop instead of progressing in life. You need community. We are social creatures and we are not supposed to be doing life alone. You need to fuel your curiosity in a group setting to figure out your life. This is truth. In fact, companies like Ellevate and WBENC exist simply to help women in business place join forces and we should use these resources. When you come across a catty devil who tries to sabotage, steal, or take life force from you - send them love and move on. Cross that person off your “will ever be close friends list” and move on. They got what they came for and bless that’s the only way they know how. The great thing about friends is you can always make more. The great thing about money is that you can always make more. The resources to build success are infinite. Seriously, move on, right now. Women who act like this are un-evolved men trapped in women’s flesh and DO NOT MATTER to your end game AT ALL. Focus on yourself, and if you do focus on others, focus on people who come to the table to collaborate and create with you openly, not compete with you.
There are many more success stories, books, programs and articles out to help you learn how to grow a winning and successful mentality. We have to change what winning means if we are going to use that word. Winning means not only that you win, but so do the people around you, and so does the planet. That is true success. You do not need to “step on people” to be successful. But you do need people, and for that I suggest the following skillsets and a few books. The best thing about being a woman is being able to think with feminine principles, naturally. And we are creators at heart, not competitors. In the book The Science of Getting Rich by Wallace D. Wattles, he points towards overcoming mental barriers and how creation over competition is the actual key to wealth generation. This book was published in 1910. How are we still so competitive? I think women building businesses know this better than anybody. We must use our female-ness as a superpower to get what we want out of our time in the working world. Another great book is How to Win Friends and Influence People by Dale Carnegie. That book helps you learn and cultivate care for others in a genuine way. I read that book every 6 months for over a decade now. It works. Those two books help you fix the reasons and the how you facilitate interactions with others. Now let’s look at your qualities and you interact with yourself, work tools, and your environment.
Let’s talk about what qualities makes people have winning mindsets and then I am going to give you some practical steps towards gaining a winning mentality.
Qualities of a winner are the following:
Optimism
Having plans and a vision (even if it goes only 1% of the plan, you still have one)
Developed IQ and EQ
Discipline (Limiting Distractions & Being able to say no to anything not serving you or your mission)
Vulnerability (See anything by Brene Brown)
Willingness to participate and take risks
High Self Esteem
Ability to set, track, progress towards and achieve goals
Care for others and the planet
Now that we see what some of the traits of people who seem to win a lot looks like, how do we get there too?
We must embrace our pasts - Look at what has happened to you from a lens of self benefit. Even the darkest things have half light. Find a lesson in the hard times and learn to balance your shadow.
Practice Gratitude - A lacking mindset breeds lacking. An abundant mindset breeds more abundance. This is a muscle you must learn to flex regularly.
Get some wins - You need to start getting some momentum to snowball the big wins. Celebrate your wins. Don't just achieve and dismiss what you’ve created. Honor the work you’ve done and even the smallest of wins with healthy ceremony & habits.
Set yourself up for winning - Get a good mentor or two, have a LinkedIn for yourself and your company if you own your business, Use social media to generate awareness for your mission if you are in an unregulated industry, align with people you admire
Self-Care - You cannot work 18 hour days and be healthy and it is not cool to say you work 18 hour days, much less do this. No one quality wants to do business with someone who is all business all the time - because chances are they will freak you out at some point and become an energy vampire. Sleep the amount of sleep you need regularly. Drink clean and filtered water (read hidden messages in water and get a water filter for your drinking water and shower). Do the things that make you feel female. Have orgasms. Eat clean. Work out regularly. This will show in your work. Your day should be a balance of self care and work. Do not be the martyr.
Take Notes - Keep your emails, bills and desk organized. Don’t work in your bedroom. Write down, in a place you will be able to easily access for years, all the things you are learning and who you are meeting. Keep your business looking as good on the inside as it does on the outside. File the right paperwork. Be responsible. You are an adult, be on top of you paperwork and take notes for all your interactions in a CRM or on a spreadsheet. Ideally both if you work for a company you do not own.
Hire people to do things you don’t want to do - You work hard for your money. Stop doing things you don’t enjoy. Let other people do what you don’t want to do once you can afford it.
Hire people that are smarter than you - the most successful people surround themselves with people who are smarter than them, not less.
Like Learning - If you enjoy learning, you will always be expanding. Reading is important. Set a goal and power through a minimum of 20 books a year. The most interesting people read a lot. Warren Buffet is someone who claims he spends most of his time reading. Reading and learning will make you not just more interesting but also a lot smarter.
Monitor your progress - If you are setting goals, you need to see how and when you’re meeting them and what helps you or doesn’t help you do so. You need to keep track of what you’re doing in life and with work. Find a system that works for you and commit to tracking yourself. The most valuable companies have a ton of data. That equates to people as well.
Do not let failure take you down for long periods of time. - Okay, you failed. If you had stopped trying to walk every time you fell down, you’d still be crawling. Have a 2 minute cry, journal, or do the thing that you do when you get down if you must, but don't stay there for a long time. The most successful people rebound fast from any of life’s failures. Being able to see lessons quickly can help with this process.
Like yourself and be your best friend - Self care and self love are different. One is physical and the other is emotional and mental. It is up to you to be liked, by yourself first and then by other people. Usually the people who learn how to like themselves, are well liked by others.
Find a mentor - Networking is often said on our podcast to be #1. You need to find other people you look up to who have done what you’re trying to do. Be graceful and kind and never demand anyone’s time, but do ask for it and ask to meet on a regular schedule. Usually mentors get as much from mentees, if not more. If you ask enough people, you will find someone who understands this and will take you under their wing.
Believe in your self and your vision - If you don’t believe in you, no one else will. Take time to give yourself reasons why you WILL succeed. Do not tend to the reasons you will not. They’re not true and they’re often not even your own thoughts. Lots of resources out there for this - life coaches and this blog!
Take accountability - If you mess up, own it. Also find someone who you can be accountable to for your progress. Nothing works better than having to tell someone why you didn’t hit your goals, to not let it happen again.
Have an emotional support person in your life - Life is hard alone. Don't do it. As Dr. Chelsea says in her epic new Ted Talk about Social Health - Find an emotional support person. Be one back. Everything is easier if you have some support. You are not supposed to do life alone. We are social creatures. Make an effort to have a healthier social life if you do not have 3-5 close friends.
Go outside - It is a myth that you have to live in a city to be successful, especially now. Whether you live in a city or you live close to nature, we need our perfect counterpart (nature & plants) to really thrive in life - daily. We need fresh air and time to charge with sources that don’t drain us. We require a place to take our energy and transmute or transform it. What takes human beings 40 years to transmute, nature can do in 1 millisecond. So the next time you feel frustrated go hug a tree and watch the magic it brings into your life. Nature shows us how to change. That change is natural and necessary. Pay attention to the circular economy of nature while you build your dreams and you will create processes that mimic nature and ensure success.
